The Reason

This is written based on Hindi Series - Iss Pyar Ko Kya Naam Doon - Watch it on Star Plus, Monday to Friday 8pm

"Why is it that everything boils down to her. Her name, her thoughts, her eyes… hell everything. Why do I want to think about her? Why do i dream about her? Why do i feel guilty of things that i would never give a second thought to?" Arnav muttered as images of her flashed before his eyes.

It started the first time  he met her. She fell in his lap like a hot potato, scalding, mundane yet something about her had made him look at her. Look hard. She seemed a perfect sabotage material. Perfect ruination to his launch. He would have killed her if looks could be he had ended up holding her, close, real close. He felt mixed emotions, curiosity  and rage. Curiosity at those gloss covered lips, pink like rose petal ready to bloom, asking for the kiss of sun to come to life. He could not help but be drawn to them.

He shook himself out of that memory to be assailed by even more jolting one. A memory he will carry to his grave or pyre. He had assaulted her, her innocence to show his power, strength and god knows what animal had come to fore as well.

But it was her tears that had given him some semblance of control or was it her taunting words? Arnav knew he was arrogant, hell downright stubborn and he was definitely not going to bow down to a firebrand girl who had the audacity to oppose him, challenge him.

And he did feel challenged. But why? He was back to square one. These whirlpool of thoughts were taking him in its vortex, sucking him in emotions he refused to acknowledge, let alone give life to. He knew today his brother in law had told some home truths when he had said, "kaman se nikla hua teer aur mooh se nickle  hue shabd kabki wapis nahi liye jaa sakte."

And those words had started the questioning, the self doubt and yes a catharsis for he did feel guilty. Guilty of pushing too hard, guilty of wanting to break her, guilty of wanting her acquiescence. But he should have known, she was different. Different than anyone he had ever known. She was the only person who did not cower when he glared at her, the only person who told him off, wrongly so, but she tried, with a half grin that was more a self derision.

She seemed to evoke in him something ethereal, primal even. for why would he have held her the way did in that rain. Why did he not want to let her go? Why he felt her breath despite the rain streaming down his face. He had almost wanted to lick the drops off her eyes for he felt there were tears there too! "Stop it!" He admonished himself. "Don't go that route."

But a wry smile mocked him as he was yet again fooling himself about this girl who seemed to be the sunlight to his dark heart, lighting up every corner with its rays and waking him up from a slumber even he did not know he was in. For why should she be affecting him so when there was someone he believed to be the best for him, best for what he was capable of feeling. A known path, no highs or lows, just one smooth even though predictable life. But that is what he wanted isnt it? That is what he strived for control, predictability and plan that worked according to him with his terms and conditions. He just forgot that there were asterisks there which came in form of Khushi.

"Khushi," he mumbled, "why are you doing this to me?" He asked as he looked at his reflection in the mirror. "Why do feel things i can't comprehend; why do i crave to brush your hair back the way I did when you lay listless in my arms?"

Again her thoughts invaded and he recalled how his force, yes brute force had hurt her. He seemed to be famous for that, hurting Khushi, he thought to himself. He had tried so much to apologise after that day, to ask if she was ok what had she done, first she had given the resignation, then she had told him things which he had listened not because he knew she was right but because he knew he was guilty, guilty of injuring her. That had not been his intention. But did he apologise, of course not, she had not let him. He had tried that day to speak to her, but again she had rebuked him. She had the audacity to turn away from him when he was talking to her. He felt like shaking her till she would listen to him. Just once.

But no, the girl had a mind of her own. No, she had no mind. "Oh stop it!" he again reprimanded. She is gone anyway, forever. Away from him, Delhi, away.

But why did that feel like a void had been created somewhere in the upper regions of his body, somewhere near his stomach! or was it in stomach. Why did he feel as if he had lost something?

He wanted to go to her place to talk to her, just once. But now that opportunity was lost. Lost, she was lost to him.

The Reason by Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

and the reason is You [x3]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you